Well, Ani.org has dispanded. Pity cause it was a beautiful site. It also was my main source for Ani lyrics and various quotes and "Aniisms", as the site liked to call them. I'm going to change my link at the site but I must say that I agree with his reasoning for shutting it down, which can be read at http://www.anidifranco.org/whatever.htm the link now goes to the offical ani page which, incidently, I didn't enjoy as much.

Criticism is a part of art and there will always be criticisms from the informed that are not always pleasant. I refrain from using the word bad because it isn't bad criticism. The criticism simply doesn't view the work favourably. Of course there is bad criticism from the uninformed but a lot of the time the people who criticize the critics (oh god to many variations of critic) are too blinded by their love of the performer that any criticism is taken personally. I know myself, Tori Amos can do no wrong. Anything she does is brillant and wonderful. People say the don't like Tori and I freak. It's horrible. Perhaps it is because the performers works are so close to us that they are in fact a part of us. I hate being told I've done bad work and though I know I had nothing to do with the creation of the music, it is me. "Nelly, I am Heathcliff." A Wuthering Heights sort of sitution. I am the music, the music is me and when I am told the music is no good then I am no good. No one wants to be no good.

"This flower is scorched
This film is on
On a maddening loop.
These clothes,
These clothes don't fit us right
I'm to blame
It's all the same
It's all the same

You come to me with a bone in your hand
You come to me with your hair curled tight
You come to me with positions
You come to me with excuses
Ducked out in a row
You wear me out
You wear me out

We've been through fake-a-breakdown
Self hurt
Plastics, collections
Self help, self pain,
EST, psychics, fuck all
I was central
I had control
I lost my head
I need this
I need this
A paper weight, junk garage
Winter rain, a honey pot
Crazy, all the lovers have been tagged.
A hotline, a wanted ad
It's crazy what you could've had
It's crazy what you could've had
It's crazy what you could've had
I need this
I need this"
-REM "Country Feedback"

Did I mention I'm tired? 'Cause I really am.

"I look like a big man but I've only got a little soul...You think I'm joking, try me."- Jarvis Cocker (pulp - Little soul (I said I loved that tune didn't I))

Io credo del Santa Claus. (I believe in Santa Claus in Italian)

did you know Italians have a combined verb for staying and feeling? I thought that was interesting. (by the way it's stare, an irregular verb) :-)

Also why doesn't Robert Downey, Jr. have a webpage. Some one should get on top of that.

Oh yeah and I added comments thing today so if I know you or not, tell me how much I suck. You can leave comments without leaving your name so, do. ;-)

Organized what?

I don't have organized thoughts. I was looking at Blogger's blogs of note today and I realized with startling clarity that my thoughts are not half as organized as these people. There blogs had logical sentence leading, good punctuation (I'm sure that has something to do with organization) and sentence structure. I'm too random to be a blog of note. A perfect example of my lack of organization would be my Robert Downey, Jr. paragraph a few blogs ago. I go from talking about my need for a junk habit to needing someone who challenges me. How are the two related? Oh, they're not. My lack of logic in my thought process is probably why I am not a very good storyteller. It also probably contributes to my reputation for being a bit loco, if you know what I'm saying.

You know what tune I love? A Little Soul by Pulp. I fucking love that song. Quality like Country Feedback (R.E.M.)

I'll miss it

Music. I'll miss those crazy fucks. That seems to be all I can think about. I know I'll still see some of them but what about those I won't see in Italian or choir, like mon homme de la momente. I'll miss him. I was thinking today about all the other shit I'll miss, like hanging out in the music lounge and hanging out in the hallways before class. Oh well, there is always Wednesday nights at Paddy's. :) Oh, Paddy's, my beautiful constant. Sometimes you have to love things that don't change. It always seems that I love that when I can't seem to control what's changing. If Paddy's closes I'll weep openly. Fer Reel.

My love for Elton and boys who love Junk

I freakin' love Elton John. I just downloaded that I Want Love video because I love Robert Downey Jr. and I realized that I love Elton. I always think about my love Elton and then follow it up with "I love Billy Joel." Perhaps that's because They both played piano in the eighties. Maybe there is some sort of underlying harmonic structure that is the same but because I'm officer bad ears I can't hear it. Or maybe it's just that Elton and Billy just played piano in the eighties and wrote some stellar tunes.

Also, Robert Downey Jr. reminds me of my inability to start a junk habit or met anyone who challenges me, in that tortured sort of way. I know that may seem like it makes no sense but in my mind someone who has a junk habit has levels. Not like a huge massive, all-i-think-about-is-junk junk habit but just a habit in which they like the junk and need the junk but also have other shit. I'm drawn to someone hurt. Maybe that's the stupid romantic side of me. Romantic=wants a guy with a junk habit. I'll stop now.

I was just thinking about this list of bad analogies my friend Kori sent me. Most of them really sucked but there was this one I kind of liked. Every once and awile I think of this analogy. "He wasn't a bad date but if her life was a movie he'd be in the credits as "Second Tall Man." I always wonder whose credits I'd have a name in. Probably if you're reading this I'd have a name in yours. Like the people I've met here at university. I doubt, in the long run of a three hour movie, I'd be any more than second loud girl. Or maybe I'd be Alicia or Alyssa. Or maybe I'd be one of those characters that no one remembers seeing but has a name in the credits. Like Toby Maguire in Empire Records. I've seen that movie more time than any one would care to count and I don't remember an Andre, yet in the credits it says that Andre is played by Toby Maguire. Whose movie will I be an Andre in.

I didn't think that analogy was so bad. Not like "The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't. " That one always made me howl. Beautiful.

And the End has Come

Well, that's it folks. I'm out of music. I hated it so now I'm done. I'm being an English major for a year which sort of blows my ass but hopefully I'll get into concurrent education at York next year. I'm actually kind of stoked. I'd love to teach art. I can seriously see myself as that weird art teacher, like Mr. Parkes, also known to some as Juan the Spaniard. Only I wouldn't ask my students to sit on my lap when they are dressed ... well,lets say "less than wholesome". (Oh mr. Parkes you're too much.) I don't know where else I'd apply. I just hope I didn't fuck myself over with this year. Oh well, maybe I'll take a year to find myself.

I find myself worrying about the most trivial and stupid things, such as health insurance, when I think about taking a year off. I wish I could just do what I want. I always thought I was too immature to be nineteen. Now, it seems like I'm worrying about things that NO ONE my age worries about. "Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance...Choose life. But why would I want to do a thing like that." Sometimes I wish I had the balls to choose junk. I just don't have enough guts. I need a smoke.

Maybe, Just Maybe...

Had a tech lesson today. Well basically I have a tech everyday except friday but today's was good. (Tech lessons= my teacher working just on how my voice sounds in excercises for 10 minutes 3 times a week.) So I've discussed with my teacher my feelings of hopelessness in music and normally she's really supportive. Well, today was a little different. Normally it takes me 5 minutes to get into the groove of things and get the "grand" sound teachers want to get from my mezzo-soprano/alto voice. I have trouble getting to that big sound. Today I did it in about 2 minutes, if that. I was dead on. Lately I've been getting a lot better. So, my teacher stops me at about the seven minute mark and asks "So Alysia, what did you plan to do with music?" When I was little I had visions of Carnegie Hall and La Scala but I've gotten a little more realistic, with help from family and friends. So that was what I told her. She then asked me why I felt they were unrealistic goals. So I said that it was because everyone else here seemed so much better than me. She then gave me a look that made me so happy. You know the look, that "what are you thinking about yourself, officer low-esteem" look. She said, I swear I'm gonna cry, don't crush that dream. You have a sensational voice. I needed that. That was exactly what I needed to hear from who I neede to hear it from. Anyway, I'm going to practice so I don't lose it. Whatever it is.

P.S. Download Have yourself a merry little christmas sung by the beautiful Tori. If you don't have a teacher to make you cry, this will.

Whilest in Theory with Dr. Anna

Chris and I were sitting in my lounge today doing theory (hence the in theory class connection) while some of the firls on the floor were watching Days of our lives when of course, Chris and I started mocking the horrid soap opera acting. One thing that caught our eye (and mockery (which, incedently, rhymes with crockery)) was the arrival of characters. I decided that from now on I am no longer going to say hello when I arrive at people homes but simply look at them through partially open eyes and move my head very slightly in figure eights. I'm toying with the idea of a raised eyebrow but I'm not sold on the idea. I don't think the look is as effective on the phone but this guy seems to think so.

School has really made me doubt my intellegence. I'm having trouble with the most basic spellings. Earlier I couldn't seem to get the word prove, spelled right.

Sometimes I wish I could shrink. Today I was looking at my buddy Tim's chair and I noticed there was a spece between (the tears we cried?) the back of the chair and the brace which holds up the chair. I sat for like ten minutes wishing I could crawl into that space and just be alone for a while. It looked like the perfect spot to be for awhile.

my theory teacher thinks I'm a space cadet. Fer real y'all.

I GOT IT!!!!

it's a beautiful day!! I got the internet today! It's a beautiful time. That's all beauty is mine.

Well I've just spent the last four hours trying to get this stupid new interface to not be a piece of fucking shit. Now it's good and I'm never going to change it. EVER.

Mad props to my boy Matt the Butt for getting a blogspot. He's all for following trends I love it.

also added some fabulous links to the side. Needed to get Ani's beautiful web page out there. This mother is well put together. Check it out. I believe you might call it the shit.

You know what I'm tired of. People letting me think they're something they're not. Nothing is more disappointing than somebody's front being let down and finding out that they are in fact big assholes. I can't handle that shit. Be honest about what you do and who you are. Don't let people think that you in fact are totally faithful when in fact you will fuck anything with breasts. If you'll fuck anything with breasts be honest about it. Don't say you're all talk and that you wouldn't ever cheat on your smart, pretty, funny, charming, charismatic girlfriend when really you will and do. Maybe I have issues with lies. Maybe it's the amount of times I tell them. I think it's the essence of the lies. Big difference between "I've seen Dancer in the Dark" and "I don't fuck anyone but my girlfriend." Both are lies but one is relatively harmless and the other can seriously hurt.

Guys check out Christian Rudder's Halloween as Internet Explorer 5.0. I find it fumeourous (smells funny).

The time is coming. I will be getting the internet soon. I'm excited. Had a great weekend in the TO this past weekend. Just chilled with my buddies. Bought some more HP Trading Cards. Why you ask? because I'm a fucking loser. But once you've come to terms with that fact it all is okay.