Turns out I have Tendonitis in my shoulder from my car accident I was in when I was 18. 3 years and now it acts up. Grrrr... More stupid physio.

Yes, I realize I was dancing in my chair, swinging my head violently to those sweet, sweet tunes. Yes, I realize I look like an idiot, but the music sounds better when my brain gets tossed around. So long as my brain is still in my head. I don't know how my brain would like the music if it were outside of my head. Probably not very much.

Time spent laughing till sides ache tonight? half an hour at the least.
At what two occasions? The realization that my brother's Kazaa name is "Gangster of Love Space Cowboy". My mum telling my da she was going to puke her "carbohydrates" on him (da is gung ho on the low carb thing, which aggrivates us all).

We may not always get along, but they do crack me up. Yesterday, I told my sister and brother I was in the Vagina Monologues and their "Eeeeew"s were in harmony. Even if I wasn't in the Vagina's I would tell them shite like that. It's just better because I am.

Reading Week: Blessing or Blech?

So, I'm currently on my Spring Break from WLU; I'm going with the Blech on this one. I got so behind in my classes that I can do nothing but read. I have so much reading to do that I made myself a reading schedule . I also don't know how to say "no", so I haven't told my friends I'm home. I know they'd ask me to go out, because we love, and I would say yes, even though I still hadn't finished my readings for the day. It's better this way. (Don't worry, Cat. I got home on Sunday, and I'll give you a call on Friday. I can't wait to see you, Mike and Maxx Power (especially you, my sweet piece of s-s-s-s-satisfaction. ;)).) I'm also a wee bit bitter that I'm too poor to visit Montreal, but I couldn't take the money from my parents (though they did offer). Is this a sign of a new sense of responsibility? Am I finally feeling like I should stand on my own, without the crutch that is my parents? Nah, cause they're taking me out to buy groceries before I go back. Nooch. On the bright side, I'll be all caught up if I stick to the rest of my schedule, which is exciting, yet dorky because I have a schedule. One of my profs let me know that my involvement with school politics is a hinderance should it disrupt my school work. (There was "work" to disrupt?) As I like to put it, "Da! Worrying about next year won't matter if I fail out! Let me work." Always so demanding. "Could you please take your feet of the dining room table?" "Can you put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of putting them in your brother/sister's bed?" "Can you not shred the mail before we see it?" "Can flush the toilet after a number 2?" Man, I can't wait to get out of this house.

Note: I've actually had to ask the last question of certain family members, as I'm sure many of you who have siblings have had to. Actually, if you've lived with family at all, you may have had to ask that. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky to have not had to see someone else's poo floating in the toilet for extended periods of time, because they are too stubborn to get up off their lazy asses and flush the toilet, and damn it that's the closest washroom to your room. *shakes fist* If that happens this week, someone's gonna paaaaaaaaaay.

Why do I Write so much about My Perceptions of Myself? Because it's all I know, even vaguely

Today, I realized something crutial about my relations with people: they think I don't care what they think about me. Can I clarify this? I do. I hate it and I try to squash it down, snuff it out, light it on fire, dismember this desire to be accepted, but I can't. This realization came today after two completely unrelated instances. The first made me realize that my Transgression and Desire class probably thinks I'm certifiably crazy. So, I have this tendency to have dreams come true. Not the big crazy dreams, but the little ones without the bald men and the monkeys chasing me with knives. There wasn't lava in my basement, but there was a boy who asked me to sing a duet with him after I'd dreamed it the night before. (That was the first time it happened; it's happened since.) In Transgression today, we were talking about Freud's article on the Uncanny. I was a little unclear on what "the uncanny" was, so I gave that example, and because I put some stock in dreams, it is uncanny. I don't think this is weird now because it has been happening to me for so long, but I can see why I'm getting weird looks after talking about my fears of being crazy and not knowing it, and various other odd things I've said in that class. I don't think they realize I'm afraid of being crazy. Giving me looks like you think I'm crazy is not helping. So, I have dreams come true. They're pretty mundane dreams. It's normal, or so I hope. The other instance was me forced to scheme about a friend's relationship today. I don't like his partner, so in a big group of people, another friend who disapproves of the partnership and I walk off to which we were greeted with "oh, where are you both going off too?" I was a little uncomfortable with that, but when we got to where we were going, the people there called us on our scheming. I don't like to scheme, at least not like this. I remember watching Amalie with an old friend last year (has it been so long? ... forget him. focus.) and he mentioned that he loved how schemey Amelie was. At the time, I was like "yeah, I could never be that schemey," but I've come to realize, in light of recent events, that I could be that schemey; I just don't want to be. I have a mind to think of all the possibilities, or to come up with crazy ways of doing things, but I would rather be upfront with people. I think it relates back to my fears of people thinking I'm ... bad? No, if I'm going to scheme, I want to scheme like Amelie. I want to scheme to make people happy, but is one persons happiness only relative to the sadness of another? By making one person happy, am I thereby making another sad? "but then what kind of scale compares the weight of two beauties, the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy? tell me what kind of gauge can quantify elation? what kind of equation could i possibly employ?" (Ani's "School Night")I don't want to let anyone down; I want to keep everyone happy; I'm living in a suspended state waiting for the next judgement from someone I don't really know. (The big, bad voice in my head screams: He never judged you and he couldn't have loved you more and you let him go, you drove him away, you fucking twat. And I'll whisper back: yup, he sure did, but now I sleep and dream of men I see regularly who are out of my reach and I'm happier for it.) I wish I could toss aside the "happy, so long as you don't fuck with her" image but it's what I've become accustomed to, and the alternative seems worse. At least now I sometimes believe my image.

Whammy Eye to WLUSU

Well, as you may have realized from Tudor's congratulations, I was elected onto the WLU Student's Union Board of Directors. I can't say that I ever thought it would really happen. I remember watching the finale of Survivor: Pearl Island with my flatmate (which I typed flatmeat) Lara, and being struck by the statement of the most popular survivor to date: Rupert, who said something like, "No matter what I do, or say, in my mind I'm still the fat kid that got pick on in grade school." It's cliche, but I know a lot of people who are, or used to be, "that kid" feel that way, but this was a man who was admired by most anyone who watched the show, yet he couldn't get out of that mode of "the fat kid". Jeff asked him if he still felt that way, to which Rupert replied that it was starting to subside. I didn't think I'd win because much of the time, I feel like Rupert, a little less worthy than everyone else. I couldn't believe that I was a sure bet, though I wanted to. I know I don't know 606 people, so there must have been others who thought I was worth having on the BOD even though they may never have so much as had a coffee with me. It feels amaAAAaazing to know that people think I'm worthy, now I just have to prove it. :S (Uh-oh, maybe they were wrong ... mhen. Too bad, they're stuck with me now. *devilish grin*)

I feel a bit like PBS, but without the support of friend's like you, yeah You, I don't think I could have made it through these elections. I give you all mind hugs. (I'm a mindslut. :)) Oh, and congrats to the other directors elect. You're fabulous, darlings. Simply fabulous.

Today is election day at Laurier and since yours till-the-sun-collides-with-mercury-resulting-in-a-black-star-to-swallow-us-forever-in-its-dark-depths is running I thought it mights be best to say

Vote Wyville and Alexander for WLUSU Board of Directors

. Yeah, also, I would suggest voting for:
Tudor Costache
Fraser McCracken
Nicholas Murphy
Adria Cehovin
David Alexander
Bernard Dawson
Jodi Dam

All of these candidates are people that I look forward to working with, but they would also do a great job without me. :) Also, Steve Welker is my pick for pres, though I also think Jen Coulter would do an excellent job. VP:University Affairs should go to Anthony Piscitelli, hands down. He's just that qualified. :) Let us all vote a ringing Yes! to WUSC's referendum to have a second refugee student. It just makes sense.