And I hate

What is this? Alysia still isn't happy? In the words of Tori Amos "...and I hate disintigration..watching us wither...I can't reach you." I thought I was okay with the whole friend issue but it seems as though the harder I try to make a friend the more I can't get through. And still these people leave me. Kori left yesterday. She had left before but it was like having to watch her go twice. Maybe I feel so deserted because my friends are my loves. I have really no desire for a "significant other." ("Two can be as bad as one; it's the loneliest number since the number one.") All my love is directed towards my family and friends. I am a magic penny love-r. I give it all away to so many people but now that I have to leave I don't know if anyone will want these magic pennies of love anymore. More Tori arrives in my cluttered brain. "you're right next to me I think that you can hear me funny how the distance learns to grow. " It feels as if everyone is retreating so the hurt can't set in. Everyone I know tried to prevent a friend of mine from getting hurt by this girl but I remember him saying that he wanted to get hurt. That's me right now. I want to cry and say "see you later, crocodile." I don't want to be shut off from the pain of leaving. I don't want life to be easy. Maybe that's my problem. ah, too many maybe's not enough certainties.

Oh yes and if you met someone somewhere who is really nice one night and then is really cold a few days later, spit in their face. That's all I have to say about that.