Independence, like greatness, has alluded me.

oh my own faults baffle me! I can't seem to except anyones help for anything if I don't work with them. I want to be independent. Don't interpret ("Ever interpretation is a misinterpretation. Don't interpret; try to understand.") me there. I just wish that I could accept help when I know I need it. I had some friends and some friend's friends over at my house last night and they were playing with my brothers scoota (also known to most people as the scooter but not if you are interesting in any way :) ) and in the goings on of the night the scooter got broken. Snapped right in half. I wasn't angry; just baffled. I couldn't believe it happened. In my attempt to be "cool-headed" (I'm not but I didn't want to snap because the guy who was riding it when it broke was a friend of a friend) I said that I didn't need any help financially replacing it. That was a bold face lie. I don't have the disposable income to pay for a new 100 dolla scoota (see the trend er/ar = a) but when the friend's friend offered to pay for it I denied him, 100 percent denied him. Not just a simple "No Thanks I can handle it" but more like an "Are You CRAZY?" (Perhaps that's not how it was but my memory is less like a bathroom mirror reflecting the exact image than the funhouse mirror making the image a little more interesting.) Luckily, now my father (ah, the parents releaving all responsiblity) is going to take it to the place where they got it (WalMart, figures it broke) and ask why it just broke like that. Though the crisis, and my own anxiety over the scotta, is over I can't help but wonder why I didn't accept that he even was willing to help. I wanted to say "Yes of course you can pay for it" but instead it was "No fucking way." I seem to be able to accept gifts but not assistance. If my friends buy me something sweet, like a friend buying me a peice of red jasper because he noticed that I have trouble warding off negative energy (how assutute of him, really), but if my friends want to buy me something because I can't pay myself I turn them down flat. I always used to bug a close friend because he wouldn't let anyone buy anything for him, not even his girlfriend. Now it seems as though we are seeing eye to eye, even though he is 6' 2" and I am a measly 5" 5".