I'm afraid that I don't know who is reading this
I'm afraid of what it could bring

While looking randomly through the website of a friend of a friend, I realized that he lives 4 doors down from me, and that I have passed his house on several occasions walking to and from school with various individuals. This changes nothing, but I always find it fascinating the possiblities for interaction which never occur. Or the people who come back two years later when you thought they were gone. There were 2 young men in my first year poetry class who caught my eye for different reasons. The one was (and still is) a soft spoken, shy, intellegent, shaggy-haired writer that I had no interaction with in first or second year, but has become a good friend of mine this year. I remember thinking that I wanted to be his friend, but he seemed too smart (and cute) to hang with me. (Don't worry. I think all of my friends are too cute to hang out with me. I don't understand how such beautiful people can stand me.) The other had a sort of magnetism about him. I want to say he had a silent ferocity, but that sounds too clichè for the quiet, judgemental type. Number 2.2 (Number 2 will always be Swift's brother. There will never be another.) had bad hair, bad clothes, a strange manner and a way of holding my attention long after he'd stopped speaking. Now, he has great hair, stylish clothes, a relatively normal manner and nothing else that interests me except that he has made some sexist and heterosexist comments that anger me. These two men crossed my path in first year, but for what purpose? I think in part it's because in first year, they both really intimidated me. In fact, I've told my friend that I was intimidated by him in first year, because these are the stupid things I think people need to hear, which they really don't. I also told this friend that "you don't have to be a feminist to be my friend. I know you are, but it's not a requirement." And yet people still hang out with me. I'll never know why. Anyway, by getting to know my friend I've realized that we know different things and that I'm not a big dumb idiot face in comparison, I just talk a lot more so I say more stupid things. The ratio of dumb to smart is the same, the quantity of things said is vastly different. (I would actually say he is smarter but that is because I put no value in what I know. Or maybe he is just smarter.) I haven't figured out what the purpose of Number 2.2 is, other than that I can be horribly attracted to and disgusted by one person simultaneously. In first year, I was just terribly attracted to him, but this year I want him to just keep his fuckin' mouth shut so the rest of us don't have to be subjected to his ignorance. (Oh, yeah, not a cynic at all, Alysia. I can see that.) They were both taller in first year, too. I asked my friend if anything happened to his height, like he used to wear platforms or something and he said that nothing changed. Perhaps I don't feel as intellectually dominated, cause I sure as rain didn't grow.