promise - n 1 assurance that one will or will not undertake a ceratin action etc. (promise of help)

Does anyone else have extreme difficulty keeping their silent promises to themselves? I keep making promises to myself that I never seem to keep. Not the promises that I tell my friends about, such as my promise to not regret things, although I am having some minor difficulties with that. I mean the promises that I never say, which I don't have any examples for because they are my promises to myself. These promises are the extremely difficult ones. The ones that I know I won't be able to keep because they are too important. The promises that make me clench my jaw and fists in hopes that this time I'll be able to keep this one, but if I clench my jaw too long it starts to hurt and once the jaw comes unclenched I can't keep the promise anymore. My self-restraint begins to hurt as well. I know I should keep them but I can't. It's more the urges that accompany the promises that I give in to. My brain says, "Alysia, do you really want to deal with what that brings? No, you don't." Yet, I still do it. Whatever "it" is seems so necessary that, even though the consequences are unmanageable, I still do it. Silent promises mean nothing unless they're spoken and become real promises.