Do you ever have to hide things from yourself, or suddenly sit on your hands because your afraid of what they might do? I was playing with this ladybug pushpin yesterday and I started thinking about Oedipus. I was imagining what it would be like to poke the pin into my eye, seriously toying with the idea. The pin was coming nearer and I wasn't pulling it away. At the last moment, I threw it and sat on my hands. Perhaps my hands are idle. Perhaps I am unhappy. Perhaps I am just bored. This isn't the first time I've toyed with a self-destructive notion. I think I just liked imagining my one green eye paired with a green ladybug pin stuck into the other eye. Wouldn't that be sight?

Suicide's Note


The calm,
Cool face of the river
Asked me for a kiss.

-Langston Hughes