There is a washroom outside of the T(heatre)A(uditorium) that has fascinated me for years. It's a secret washroom, veiled in song from the seemingly constant operas, or perhaps it is just so removed from typical student traffic that it is almost always vacant. Whatever the cause of its vacancy, it also has the most graffiti of any of the washrooms which is perplexing as no one seems to go in it. I have come to assume that it is magic gnome graffiti, bringing luck to all who read it. Unfortunately, my theory has come into question with some writing which the gnomes have brought as of late. In the last stall, (my favourite, if such a thing can be said about a stall in a run-down washroom. Seems like the gnomes don't know much about washroom maintenance) there is an arrow pointing to the toilet, with a tagline which reads "Why you can't get a date". I have never seen this scribble with anything below it, so I deduced that it was refering to something else. Can I not get a date because of my thighs? My ass? My bodily functions? What do the gnomes know that I don't? I feel as though this conundrum shall never be resolved unless I can catch one of the gnomes for interrogation, but I'm sure they are satified with their relatively unacknowledged mythical status, which means I will be left wondering what my ass is doing while I'm not looking that is limiting my dates of late.