A little peek at my insides

I'm often left wondering if I let people walk all over me. Am I being understanding or simply naive? I tend to be non-confrontational, even when a situation warrents confrontation. I often think that if I wasn't such a selfish coward, I'd kill myself just to stop it all. I've never known what the "it" is I am looking to stop, just that something needs to be stopped. I'm fully aware that death is not the solution, but I crave instant gratification, a quick fix. I am truly a product of our culture. I'm just like anyone, just like anyone. I empathize with it all. Where is my apathy? Don't I get just a bit? I need a little apathy to salve this wound. I am full out of apathy this time around. Goddamnit, I know plenty who have too much. Why do I get none.

Oh, and if you haven't heard any Skunk Anansie, check it out. They have a great song called Hedonism, with this line I crave: "Just because you feel good, doesn't make it right." I'll sit on the fence on this one, because often I believe in following your gut, but I hate getting hurt. Funny, this time I felt nothing. I hope it lasts, cause I don't want to think about how it will feel once the numb wears thin.